Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well played fat girl in a hot car, well played...

   hoping Marge Simpson poses for Hustler next.

   my wife just fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open... hmmm, tempting!

   I was going to write a funny status to get a bunch of likes, but then I realized, If I just write the word Boobies all the guys on my friends list will like it! Soo BOOBIES!

   Breaking news: Republican Bob Turner wins Weiner's old seat. Hmmm.. I hope they steam cleaned it for him??

   Every night the dis likes multiply by 6.. Wonder what side of the world is making that happen? The unfunny side. (europe)

   This just in.... kleenex has reported a shortage of tissues due to all the steelers fans running to the store to buy tissues to dry their tears..... Packers WIN!!!!!

   How overweight do I have to be to apply for the American citizenship?

   I went for a job interview yesterday and the boss asked me: Why did you leave your last job?? I said: The company relocated and didn't tell me where.

   Netanyahu's wife needs to give Michelle Obama a tee shirt that reads, "Don't you wish your husband could be a man like mine?"

   Wow. The Republican Party can't even attract a female hurricane.

   I got 47Traitors =GOP but a democrat ain't one!

   Learn to spell... Auto Correct isn't always write...

   I have a friend whose status says "suicidal standing on edge of cliff'.... I poked him.

   Corvettes. Helping poor men pretend they have big dongs since 1953...

   The KANYE went down to the very KANYE street to buy a new KANYE for only $KANYE dollars. “KANYE?” he asked..... Kanye West doing a Mad Lib

   When the rich robs the poor, it's called business. When the poor fight back, it's called violence !

   I say that anyone who messes with America, is gonna get a good dose of Red, White, Black and Blue!

   sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

   Just joined a new group...DAMM: Drunks Against Mad Mothers