Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I'll give women the power to control it."

   Sorry for my poor English, I'm American.

   I hear that if congress can reach a deal on the US debt ceiling, that Obama will be given a 2nd nobel peace prize for no reason at all

   .Bullying Support Group meeting, tonight at 8pm. You'd better f@#king be there.

   You know who hates Nine Inch Nails? Jesus.

   • I've just been told that the invisible man and a ghost are going to have a fight... But I just can't see that happening.

   "In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped down. Now we're at 17."

   How the hell did we go from “Mexico will pay for the wall” to not paying government workers until the American Taxpayers pay for the wall?

   Judging people by their race and sex is wrong, I wish you privileged white males would get that!

   It’s crazy that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer, it’s “art” and “music”…. but if I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot

   Well played fat girl in a hot car, well played...

   hoping Marge Simpson poses for Hustler next.

   my wife just fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open... hmmm, tempting!

   I was going to write a funny status to get a bunch of likes, but then I realized, If I just write the word Boobies all the guys on my friends list will like it! Soo BOOBIES!

   Breaking news: Republican Bob Turner wins Weiner's old seat. Hmmm.. I hope they steam cleaned it for him??

   Every night the dis likes multiply by 6.. Wonder what side of the world is making that happen? The unfunny side. (europe)

   This just in.... kleenex has reported a shortage of tissues due to all the steelers fans running to the store to buy tissues to dry their tears..... Packers WIN!!!!!

   How overweight do I have to be to apply for the American citizenship?

   I went for a job interview yesterday and the boss asked me: Why did you leave your last job?? I said: The company relocated and didn't tell me where.

   Netanyahu's wife needs to give Michelle Obama a tee shirt that reads, "Don't you wish your husband could be a man like mine?"