Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I like my men, like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer. 
125 shot of nitrous is like a hot chick with STD's.... You know you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences!
Girl scout cookies just came, no time for Facebook!
I like how Facebook tells me I found these friends using their friend finder. um no I found these friends before I had hair on my balls back when I could have been rich had I thought of Facebook
“When it Absowutewy, Positivewy has to be thewe ovewnight." ~ FuddEx
Today I realised that I am spending too much time chatting... someone told me a really funny joke... and I almost said LOL instead of laughing!
Happy first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the Vernal Equinox!
USA has confirmed the death of Osama Bin Laden. See what they're capable of when the Playstation Network is down?!
If my bosses don't come through soon with an iPhone, iPod, iTouch, and iPad to elevate my job-based technology access, then I'll be giving them a spanking new iQuit.
55 years ago tonight, Bela Lugosi died. He was the orignal Dracula, who thinks Bela from Twilight was named after him?
"I lost my phone." "Where did you put it last?" "If I known where I put it last, I wouldn't be here saying I lost my phone, dumba$$
If I ever go on "Wheel of Fortune," I'm going to buy all the vowels, then give them to poor kids in Africa
"Heads, shoulders, knees and toes..." - Jeffrey Dahmer's grocery list
Just saw a man using a pay phone! In his defense, he seemed to be hallucinating and thought he was fighting a puma.
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic
YOu know she's trained right IF when you roll up to the pump.....she jumps out and then pays for the gas
During sex, you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles,,,,,, Wait, Who the heck runs 5 miles in 2 minutes???
My chinese friend died last week. So Yung.
I Get so Emotional when I'm peeling Onions..!
If DR. Conrad Murray bends over to pick up his soap in his prisn shower he may get a real 'Thriller'. 