Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "As Obama Discusses His Job Creation Plan, Bank Of America Releases Details Of 40,000 Job Cuts"

   turned around in bed to say goodnight to my beautiful lady...after three days I wonder why she doesn't have the decency to stop saying "who are you.? Please let me go!"

   The only thing that should be seperated by color is laundry♥

   You never forget the first time you learned what a PROLAPSE is. Damn you, Google images.

   I just drank some food color, now I think I'm dyeing inside.

   What does a 90 year old virgin's pussa taste like,,,,,Depends

   I can tell within 19 seconds of meeting you if our sex is going to be consensual or not..

   ...... Congrats to Mr Baumgartner for breaking the sound barrier!!!! He's very lucky that the records were the only things that were broken!!!!

   My new girlfriend is a cagefighter. They all are, for the first day or two.

   Yo mama is so fat even her pictures are heavy.

   Men: 99% of the women you will meet take antidepressants. Just accept the fact.

   I knew someone would have to do it but I didn't know it would be someone so famous! Amy Winehouse had to take her own life just so people on fbook would talk about something other than the weather! You all are to blame for this!!

   True fact of the day: On March 13, 1781 Uranus was discovered ........ ha ha Uranus

   I like my men, like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

   125 shot of nitrous is like a hot chick with STD's.... You know you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences!

   Girl scout cookies just came, no time for Facebook!

   I like how Facebook tells me I found these friends using their friend finder. um no I found these friends before I had hair on my balls back when I could have been rich had I thought of Facebook

   “When it Absowutewy, Positivewy has to be thewe ovewnight." ~ FuddEx

   Today I realised that I am spending too much time chatting... someone told me a really funny joke... and I almost said LOL instead of laughing!

   Happy first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the Vernal Equinox!