Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To the Pope. Just let priests get married so they won't have to be gay with little boys!

   ....... Hey Barack and Hillary .... Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!!!!

   Congratulations America! We're one step closer to schmuck.

   Mexico announces it's found 6 new oil deposits in Gulf of Mexico. Trump now wants to add a huge door to his wall.

   Best catch phrase to make fun of: Fake News.

   heard there was a party in your pants, but she is pretty sure she won't be coming

   New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”

   sorry, but I can't "go to hell"~ my restraining order states I can't be within 100 feet of it.

   Just had the misfortune of watching some of MTV's "reality" shows...I'll take "Why the Mayan's decided to end it in 2012" for $1000.00 Alex....

   I wish I could make it illegal for anyone to wake up before 6am.

   Tip: Don't blow your nose in a well used public restroom...sometimes being stuffed up is a good thing....unless you like the sensation of being punched in the face with a sack full of a**holes...

   I feel like I've been watching Jersey Shore (The Facebook edition) for three days Now! B1tchin about every lil thing is like a rockin chair, It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you any where.

   eating a couch cushion and just found out I'm Oprah's long lost sister!

   Susan Boyle sings: "Wild Horses couldn't drag me away."Maybe not, but it looks like they gave it a f**king good go, eh Susan?

   How can anyone have 99 problems? I have about 3, maybe 4 max.

   making home made dynamite is so much fun

   finds it quite ironic how "Lame-O" is ironically probalby the lamest insult ever invented.

   ''Viva La Rasa''..what the hell have I just said!

   whats the main difference between a vacuum cleaner and a harley davidson? The position of the dirtbag

   If I was a pirate, instead of having a stupid hook for one hand, I'd upgrade to some cooler attachments, like a blender, maybe a small cannon, some hedge trimmers etc.