Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There is no "non creepy" way to compliment hot girl's feet

   Who else is still wearing their Halloween costume?! Didn't think I'd be keeping it on for days but everyone's really digging me as Pikachu!

   "LOL" is the new way of saying "I really have nothing to say."

   What type of tea do babies drink? Tit tea.

   "At least Trump is entertaining." - people who entertain themselves by pulling the wings off of butterflies

   I just swiped left on someone based solely on the fact her name was Susan.

   My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or destroy Slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it. Any snowflake wanna explain what the civil war was about then?

   Mike Pence shouldn't get so upset that some Democr@ts booed him at the theater. After all don't forget that Democr@ts loudly booed G0D at the DNC convention on Sept 5th 2012.

   Abolish the department of education for failing and producing Paul Rand who wants to abolish the department of education.

   Women went on strike today, things still got done without them.....

   Liking a celebrity's tweet in the hopes they'll notice you is like voting Republican thinking you'll be a millionaire one day.

   Don't you people see.... these dummy-crats are trying to peece us off. Lets show them we are bigger than that, and they need a job.

   Best catch phrase to make fun of: Fake News.

   ....... Hey Barack and Hillary .... Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!!!!

   Congratulations America! We're one step closer to schmuck.

   Mexico announces it's found 6 new oil deposits in Gulf of Mexico. Trump now wants to add a huge door to his wall.

   I just want a man to rub my butt without trying to shove something in it.

   Canadian sex is like American sex but with more apologizing and less guns.

   Tender Age Shelter sounds like something spray painted onto a van parked outside of a grade school while the owner offers kids free candy.

   To the Pope. Just let priests get married so they won't have to be gay with little boys!