Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4901 of 6370
...and then the doctor slapped my little bottom and handed me to her. - How I Met My Mother
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05-09-2011 11:48 by l33t
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the way to tell a woman is single and or not even dating...is how hairy their legs are
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05-09-2011 11:28
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CNN just posed the question: "Who should get the Bin Laden bounty?" I don't want the dude's paper towels!
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05-09-2011 11:16 by Mike M
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People who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still updates their MySpace profiles
Every man should have a wife - preferably his own!
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05-09-2011 10:20
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Remember that whole "Look both ways before crossing the street" thing? Well that also applies to picking your nose at a stop light. I just got totally busted when I looked at the guy on my right, pointing at me and laughing...
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05-09-2011 10:07 by Mike M
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I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun...I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out...I'm going at nite
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05-09-2011 09:32 by Griff
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They call mens shaving cream "Beard buster" so why dont they call womens shaving cream "Bush buster"?
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05-09-2011 08:40 by SEAN
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If people had to spell something correctly before being allowed to criticize it, Facebook would be much more peaceful.
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05-09-2011 08:25
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If you really want something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.
What do you do if you see your crazy Ex, running around in your front yard covered in blood & screaming for help? Stay calm,reload your pistol & aim better!!
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05-09-2011 08:03
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Dear lady in front of me , It is a speed bump , not a freaking land mine
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05-09-2011 07:22 by Banjaxed
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Why does it take less than a minute to pay online and more than 10 days for the refund ??
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05-09-2011 06:09 by Vivek
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out making changes in his life... leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I dont get back to you - your one of the changes
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05-09-2011 05:31
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just saw an indian asleep on the train and noticed his red dot on his forehead and just thought to myself 'is he on standby?'
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05-09-2011 05:27
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The PopeMobile: Because Nothing says "I have faith in God" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.
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05-09-2011 05:21
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Pharmacist to Customer: To buy anti-depression pills, Sir you need a proper prescription.. Simply showing a pic of your wife is not enough.
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05-09-2011 04:12
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The 1st testicular guard was used in Cricket in 1874 & the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It took 100y to realize the brain is also important
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05-09-2011 04:11
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learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros..sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess
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05-09-2011 04:04 by Danny
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In the 90's we had Clinton in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no hope and no cash.
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05-09-2011 04:04
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