Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...

   "happy and you know it, so clap your hands!"

   I'm just waiting for Tim Tebow to get caught with a hooker and an 8 ball. You KNOW it's going to happen.

   Easter.... the time God killed God to appease God because you were so unlikable! Isn't that good news? :-)

   I miss having a grown up for a president.

   how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

   Amy Winehouse started writing songs for a new album this weekend - she only got through a few lines.

   Jesus is proof that abstinence doesn't work.

   Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A is still sellin chicken and I'm sure Phil Robertson will keep spreadin gods good word and shooting ducks.

   I don't know about you guys, but I think last nights season premier of Ferguson was pretty good.

   Quote from my 13yr old daughter, "I'm glad I don't live where Trump lives! He's an idiot! He's even dumber then our President!" We live in South Africa.

   n't it funny that 60 years ago, the British Empire took over half the World and any people who protested were shot immediately...yet, now they can't control a bunch of rioters in their own Country?

   You know your drunk when you get home from the bar, then grab and throw your hamster yelling "go pikachu!"

   a little upset that someone from Jackass went and died off camera.

   I'm glad that McDonalds doesn't sell hotdogs, I could never order a "McWeiner" with a serious face.

   heads or tails? Heads you give me some tail. Tails you give me some head.

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

   Men are like scratch off tickets..... they usually end up being losers!!

   rony: In some places you’ll have to take the vaccine in order to watch the new Matrix movie coming out.

   What happened to the good ole days… Like when Britney Spears would shave her head!