Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've never had sex with a ten but I'm wondering if two fives count.

   white privilege is Adam Sandler still being allowed to make movies.

   saw a suburban 'biker' (Ha!) with a sticker on his helmet that said "Americans Never Forget". He then thought about people clamoring for Sarah Palin to be President and thought to himself "Americans DO forget. Oh, yes indeed, they do.".

   "knows when you are sleeping, knows when you're awake "

   to all the wackos who believe in global warming try coming to Idaho in the middle of March..It'll snow

   first Obama, then the olympics, now the Bears.....Chicago, so close to producing winners, you get everyones hopes up and then last minute....choke.....fail.

   At first I didn't understand why Obama was so focussed on destroying America's health-care system, then I remembered that he promised thousands of shovel-ready jobs....grave diggers will soon be in high demand.

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...

   "happy and you know it, so clap your hands!"

   I'm just waiting for Tim Tebow to get caught with a hooker and an 8 ball. You KNOW it's going to happen.

   Easter.... the time God killed God to appease God because you were so unlikable! Isn't that good news? :-)

   I miss having a grown up for a president.

   how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

   Amy Winehouse started writing songs for a new album this weekend - she only got through a few lines.

   Jesus is proof that abstinence doesn't work.

   What's up with refried beans? Once should be enough.

   Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A is still sellin chicken and I'm sure Phil Robertson will keep spreadin gods good word and shooting ducks.

   I don't know about you guys, but I think last nights season premier of Ferguson was pretty good.

   Quote from my 13yr old daughter, "I'm glad I don't live where Trump lives! He's an idiot! He's even dumber then our President!" We live in South Africa.

   rony: In some places you’ll have to take the vaccine in order to watch the new Matrix movie coming out.