Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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DNA: National Dyslexic Association 
When you go cow tippin', do you only tip 15-20% of em?
it bugs me when an ugly girl has her one hot friend in every profile pic. It took me 3 weeks to realize I friended the dud
Michael J. Fox show canceled. I knew from the beginning it was a little shakey
Reasons why Game of Thrones is better than Breaking Bad: 1) Titties. 2) Dragons. 3) Bro do you seriously need any more?
Ok peeps, I had a chat with Zuckerberg and convinced him to keep Facebook free. You are welcome.
To be fair, a dogs butthole might taste fantastic and we've been judging them wrong all these years.
*Looks left... *Looks right... * Crosses road,,, * Gets run over by a chicken...
An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from. The Doctor said, he saw something like that during Joans Rivers operation!
America is the only country in the world where you can die from eating too much instead of too little.
Female gamers need to get off their high horse. There are a million girls who like gaming, and it doesn't make them "special" or "cool". It just makes them a girl who happens to like video games.
Rope: $7.50 Duck Tape: $2.75 Shovel: $12.98 Never having to see that b!tch again: Priceless.
My sister came back home crying over her boyfriend and asked me to console her...So I hit her over the head with the XBOX
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
Russel Brand files for divorce from Katy Perry... I wonder if she kissed a girl and he didnt like it.
So I'm home alone and heard a noise and got scared so I decided to get drunk. Then I made about 80 quesadillas SO NOW I'm trying to sell them and put Taco Bell out of business...Tell your friends!!
Call of Duty.. Helping Guys like me who don't play the game get laid since 2003."
Toasters as wedding gifts don't make sense. If you and the person you're marrying don't have a toaster maybe you're not ready to be married.
Her: :-P Me: 8===D Her: :-O Me: 8====D~~~ Her: :-) Me: 8=D Me: ZZZZ
John Wayne Toilet Tissue: It's Rough - It's Tough And It Don't Take Crap Off Anyone 