Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Her: :-P Me: 8===D Her: :-O Me: 8====D~~~ Her: :-) Me: 8=D Me: ZZZZ

   John Wayne Toilet Tissue: It's Rough - It's Tough And It Don't Take Crap Off Anyone

   I thought you said Eric gave you the creeps? I like tacos

   Untill now I haven't felt this much pressure on a particular thing, so... "why this kolaveri di"?!!!

   I don't know why it's so hard for ugly people to get laid. Just get together with each other. Problem solved.

   I wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you yelled Team Jacob to my dog!"

   Christmas parties are really just birthday parties for Jesus that he's too cool to show up for

   available in HD.....highly demented!!!!!

   S.H.*.T.= So Happy It's Thursday! =)

   why is it called PMS? Cause mad cow was already taken.

   Nobody ever notices what you do at work but they sure as he!! notice when you don't do it.

   That little Justin Biber chick is really starting to piss me off! Why can't one of the Olsen Twins give her Herpes or something?

   I've never had sex with a ten but I'm wondering if two fives count.

   white privilege is Adam Sandler still being allowed to make movies.

   saw a suburban 'biker' (Ha!) with a sticker on his helmet that said "Americans Never Forget". He then thought about people clamoring for Sarah Palin to be President and thought to himself "Americans DO forget. Oh, yes indeed, they do.".

   "knows when you are sleeping, knows when you're awake "

   first Obama, then the olympics, now the Bears.....Chicago, so close to producing winners, you get everyones hopes up and then last minute....choke.....fail.

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...

   "happy and you know it, so clap your hands!"

   I'm just waiting for Tim Tebow to get caught with a hooker and an 8 ball. You KNOW it's going to happen.