Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Christmas parties are really just birthday parties for Jesus that he's too cool to show up for

   available in HD.....highly demented!!!!!

   S.H.*.T.= So Happy It's Thursday! =)

   why is it called PMS? Cause mad cow was already taken.

   Nobody ever notices what you do at work but they sure as he!! notice when you don't do it.

   That little Justin Biber chick is really starting to piss me off! Why can't one of the Olsen Twins give her Herpes or something?

   I've never had sex with a ten but I'm wondering if two fives count.

   white privilege is Adam Sandler still being allowed to make movies.

   saw a suburban 'biker' (Ha!) with a sticker on his helmet that said "Americans Never Forget". He then thought about people clamoring for Sarah Palin to be President and thought to himself "Americans DO forget. Oh, yes indeed, they do.".

   "knows when you are sleeping, knows when you're awake "

   first Obama, then the olympics, now the Bears.....Chicago, so close to producing winners, you get everyones hopes up and then last minute....choke.....fail.

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...

   "happy and you know it, so clap your hands!"

   I'm just waiting for Tim Tebow to get caught with a hooker and an 8 ball. You KNOW it's going to happen.

   Easter.... the time God killed God to appease God because you were so unlikable! Isn't that good news? :-)

   Amy Winehouse started writing songs for a new album this weekend - she only got through a few lines.

   I miss having a grown up for a president.

   how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

   Jesus is proof that abstinence doesn't work.

   Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A is still sellin chicken and I'm sure Phil Robertson will keep spreadin gods good word and shooting ducks.