Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Like if you knew Mitt Romney moved to France to skip the Vietnam draft. Flipper/Dodger.

   I want to do something different tonight so am thinking about sitting on the TV to watch the sofa!! hehehe

   Elisabeth Hasselbeck is going to Fox News, which will be a better use of her skills, such as "having a face" and "being wrong about things"

   Trump mocks the physical appearance of a reporter who suffers from a congenital disease. Idiot.

   I've read the final chapter, God wins....

   not supposed to be up this late...

   on my space trying to Google your you tube

   At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

   says a clean house is the sign of a broken computer

   why do all the other reindeer have brown noses??? Because they aren't as quick to stop as Rudolph

   The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.

   thinks parents are only as good as their dumbest kid... If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed.

   from a real tough neighborhood. he bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.

   The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

   I guess I just want you to know that I care about you enough to piss on your gums if your teeth ever catch on fire...

   My kid has A.D.D. and a couple of F's.

   Behind every successfull woman... is a man checking out at her ass!

   I know you, what's your name???

   Where do babies come from? Two teenagers and a six-pack

   My guinea pigs are smarter than you! :P