Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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will drink responsibly when someone names a brand of alcohol “Responsibly.” 
I would imagine if you understood morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!
GUY: Babe, let's go to the zoo! GIRL: Sorry but I'm not ready to meet your family.
I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.
New bumper sticker: If it is against the law for me to follow you home and shove that cell phone up your bum than you better keep your car in your lane!
childrens shows should really take into consideration that some kids may not have two eyes two ears and so on befote they sing about it.
I have been teased by friends and family that I spend way too much time on Facebook and that I really need to get a life. I am happy to say that I DO have a life outside of Facebook, but unfortunately I have forgotten the password for it.
Smithers, I dont believe in suicide but it would help cheer me up if you tried it.
mad as hell my toaster oven burned my toast again....I must be Black-toast intolerant.
Happy Beer the 13th
Wonders if Old Macdonald has a Farmville addiction...
thinks his facebook has been hacked! I'm going to change my password to: titus_b12bomberraid.. That oughta do the trick!
if I mad 9.9 million dollars a year,.. a b*tch wouldn't be my problem either."
Biggest trade to date: Lakers to trade Jack Nicholson
Whats the difference between arrogant and ignorant? Brithish and Welsh
The Makers of K-2 has just come out with another break through synthetic, called J-2. Its Synthetic Jesus in incense form. No need to go to church now, you are automatically saved from hell fire and damnation! Side effects may include speaking in tongues.
A great way to start my day, I got a speeding ticket on my way to work & got written up for getting late...
95% of People who say, "Study! Study! Study!" during finals week are actually reading...Too bad they don't realize Facebook is not actually a book.....
Better to have people think you are an idiot then opening your mouth and proving them right
I think, therefore I thought. 