Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   mad as hell my toaster oven burned my toast again....I must be Black-toast intolerant.

   Happy Beer the 13th

   Wonders if Old Macdonald has a Farmville addiction...

   thinks his facebook has been hacked! I'm going to change my password to: titus_b12bomberraid.. That oughta do the trick!

   if I mad 9.9 million dollars a year,.. a b*tch wouldn't be my problem either."

   Biggest trade to date: Lakers to trade Jack Nicholson

   Whats the difference between arrogant and ignorant? Brithish and Welsh

   The Makers of K-2 has just come out with another break through synthetic, called J-2. Its Synthetic Jesus in incense form. No need to go to church now, you are automatically saved from hell fire and damnation! Side effects may include speaking in tongues.

   A great way to start my day, I got a speeding ticket on my way to work & got written up for getting late...

   95% of People who say, "Study! Study! Study!" during finals week are actually reading...Too bad they don't realize Facebook is not actually a book.....

   Better to have people think you are an idiot then opening your mouth and proving them right

   I think, therefore I thought.

   Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is sooo wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.

   ‎"I'm sorry"~Reggie Bush

   Your Skin Is Pale White and you dont go out in the sun. Say it,Vampire. No I just play a lot of world of warcraft.

   shopping for halloween costumes with Tera Patrick.

   dressing as pac-man and chasing people in burka's.

   Thinks it's good to see some of the women at work growing a movember too.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you'd be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.