Funny Status Messages and Tweets

In preparation for the end of the world in 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.

←Rate | 10-11-2010 18:05 Comments (0)

What's LOVE? In math: A problem. In history: A war. In chemistry: A reaction. In art: A heart. In me: Bull

←Rate | 10-13-2010 21:54 by BEGO Comments (0)

In my house, we pray after we eat.

←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:54 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)

Did I ever tell you about my roofer who came down with shingles?

←Rate | 05-12-2010 14:00 by Joser Comments (0)

My status has a crush on someone.

←Rate | 05-28-2010 23:41 by BEGO Comments (0)

I once went 4 days with out a cell phone. So ya, Third World Countries, I get it now.

←Rate | 06-08-2010 20:31 by Joser Comments (0)

Err -45 degrees! Does that read right!? Thought this was global warming! I see an ice age!

←Rate | 01-21-2011 21:02 Comments (2)

Sometimes I wish I was a bird, so that when times got tough I could just fly over certain people and sh*t on their heads!

←Rate | 07-27-2010 04:30 by roN Comments (1)

A guy preaching in town today said to me"Madam do you believe in the second coming?" I said "with my hushusbandband I'm lucky if I come once!" I'm lucky if

←Rate | 08-16-2010 18:00 Comments (0)

BBC News: "Plus size women worth $10 billion to the fashion industry." Nothing compared to what they're worth to the food industry...

←Rate | 08-17-2010 23:23 Comments (19)

Just ran into my ex at the store. He has a wonderful new girlfriend now. Much better than I ever was. So I told him I had half a sandwich in my car and did she want those leftovers, too.

←Rate | 11-02-2010 13:13 Comments (0)

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go Jesus. It's yer birfday. We gonna party like it's yer birfday. We gonna sip some egg nog like it's yer birfday. And you know we gonna give some gifts cuz dats yer birfday.