Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space and silence

   "insert clever remark here."

   The only time a girl should Kneel down for a guy, is the day she ties her son's shoe-laces.

   Roman Catholic establishment has 1.2billion followers or as I like to call them, sheep.

   To translate Trump at the next debate,, the sign language specialist will just beat up a poor pregnant mexican woman .

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   My left nipple is 3 minutes slower than my right at hardening.

   The sign at this Burger King bathroom says employees must wash hands. I've been waiting for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing.

   Married people have 6 priorities: 1) Convince yourself you're happy. 2) Convince spouse you're happy. 3) Convince friends you're happy. 4) Convince workmates you’re happy 5) Convince relatives you’re happy 6) Convince neighbors you’re happy

   You can tell the Pope is a typical Man... He decided to break up a relationship with God just before Valentines Day, just so that he doesn't have to give a gift!!!

   I'm tired of Duck Dynasty and their fowl language!

   I'm never going to marry a woman unless I'd be proud to have a daughter exactly like her.

   Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeens, 4 friend requests, 3 I ignore, 2 annoying pokes and ME in need of happy hour!

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ cus' this is thriller, thriller night.

   the fact that she loves anal is awesome...I just wish she'd layoff the hot peppers!

   All I have ever wanted is to be left alone......................in South America...............with a tribe of sex-starved Amazon women

   Cat talking sh!t, girls gone, so the dogs and I are clearing the Living Room so we can have single elimination cage matches, winner gets to hit that pu55y...eeerrrr, cat!

   I must be the only person that didn't like Avatar. I fell asleep an hour into it. I mean seriously, if I wanted to see a love story I would have rented "The Notebook" then promptly shot myself in the face.

   TOYOTA, ONCE YOU DRIVE ONE YOU'LL NEVER STOP