Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am wondering if Snoop Dog ever watched Charlie Brown.

   Sending mixed signals should be a federal offence!

   feel so dissed the earthquake missed me. anyone else wanna rock my world?

   You Cant Tell Me Casey Anthony and Kreayshawn DON'T look alike.

   "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

   thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!

   There no need to miss someone from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. 

   They done studies you know, 60% of the time it works everytime.

   Jack Daniels.

   it a violation to fart in a non-smoking area?

   Don't Facebook your problems, FACE THEM!

   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

   Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.

   As Anti-Wall Street protests spread outside the New York Stock Exchange over the corporate greed in America, pitchforks were up by 8 3/4 and torches by 7 1/2 points

   hey guys!!!!!! A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

   You know youre really upset when you find yourself blasting music from Taylor Swift

   i love you like a fat kid loves cake, but right now the fat kid is on a diet

   suffers occasional delusions of adequacy.

   If you want me to walk a mile in your shoes, you're going to have to buy the Dr. Scholls inner soles, ointments and powders

   Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.