Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The awkard moment where you say, "it's not me, it's you"....via text

   Use tSpelling bee on ESPN. Audience full of proud mom's sitting with dad's who'd rather have an illiterate son who could throw a ball.

   If you don't like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!

   Losing his kidneys at candy mountain

   I am wondering if Snoop Dog ever watched Charlie Brown.

   Sending mixed signals should be a federal offence!

   feel so dissed the earthquake missed me. anyone else wanna rock my world?

   You Cant Tell Me Casey Anthony and Kreayshawn DON'T look alike.

   "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

   thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!

   There no need to miss someone from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. 

   They done studies you know, 60% of the time it works everytime.

   Jack Daniels.

   it a violation to fart in a non-smoking area?

   Don't Facebook your problems, FACE THEM!

   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

   Likes are like crabs. Regardless of what you say - if you're trashy enough, you'll get them often.

   As Anti-Wall Street protests spread outside the New York Stock Exchange over the corporate greed in America, pitchforks were up by 8 3/4 and torches by 7 1/2 points

   hey guys!!!!!! A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

   You know youre really upset when you find yourself blasting music from Taylor Swift