Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think that good friend is worth pursuing, but why would a good friend be running away?

   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

   in a constant state of Omphaloskepsis (look it up).

   When caught with weed, never assume anything but the position...

   chasing vodka with french fries

   We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

   sometimes feels like I'm stuck at school in an episode of Peanuts where all I hear is "blah blah blah...blah blah...blah blah blah blah"

   Many will come and go but I know the diffrence between a woman and a ho so if you text or call and you don't hear from me you know which one you must be:)

   Cigarettes...because Skittles after sex just don't cut it!

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   just watched the A-team. It was really good. I like the part when stuff blew up.

   Artist makes portrait of Rachael Ray using Cheetos. Unfortunately, a ravenous Oprah devoured the entire thing while visiting the set.

   trying to remember the thing I was suppose to remind myself about, but I can't remember where I put my sticky notes.. DAMNIT !!!

   ...Kim Kardash begs fan NOT 2 get surgery 2 look like her. Kim's right. Someone in porn shoulda begged Heidi Montag not 2 look like one of THEM!

   Baywatch" is now showing on Comedy Central ...Ironic..I thought it was a Drama

   I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

   In honor of having to work today, I'm not going to do a goddamned thing.

   Thanks to the economy my wallet is emptier than a potato chip bag at a Weight Watchers meeting!

   when people make noise by their high heels, I want to smack them, with that shoes, on their head.

   Eat right, exercise, die anyway.