Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember when Sarah Palin was the dumbest person in politics? Good times......

   For some reason, the press seems more concerned with "BIack Man Killed By Police", than "Police KiIIed By BIack Man."

   What's more unattractive to me than a woman who smokes? One who destroys her body with countless tattoos and piercings. Seriously, just stop. It's not sexy.

   Santa is a Democrat: 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   Sarah Palin should also blame Obama for her daughter getting pregnant *sarcasm * Well her daughter is harder to pull out of than Iraq.

   R.I.P. to all my ex's.. The funeral will be held at "Never Again Christian Church" On the corner of "I'm done Road" & "F*ck you Avenue"

   Congratulations to Michael Jackson on 4 years of sobriety!

   wonders if that Luge sled was designed by Toyota.

   making a career of this.

   perfecting secretly sleeping at my desk.

   back to the future

   I hate it when people don't let me sleep, especially when I'm driving

   Dec. 4 1079 it was 91 deg. Was it Global Waring then too?

   DAMN!! Obamaphones sure are getting one serious workout these last two nights in Ferguson!!

   Hey Green Bay I bet your having a lot of W(H)INE with your cheese tonight.

   I filled up my car and it showed up on my credit report.

   I feel so blessed that the government protects my family and I from the dangers of gay marriage so we can safely go buy some assault weapons

   You can be gay, you can marry, I don't care about any of that. But just stop it with the "I was born that way" $hit!

   a man donates blood to his girlfriend. they break up. he says he wants his blood back. she throws a tampon at him and yells 'I'll pay you monthly!!'

   faking the smile with the coffee to go