Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If America had a slogan it'd be "Don't bother me, I'm eating."

   "Let there be me." God, just before he created himself out of nothing.

   My epileptic wife had a seizure in a bathtub full of water so I threw in some dirty laundry and laundry detergent. WIN !!!

   LIKE if you hate when someone tags you in a horrible picture.

   My cat's black and he doesn't get offended when I use the 'N' word, so why should you?

   can't find a valentine even though I have gotten my bedwetting problem under control... what else do you lady's want from me... to watch lifetime with you???

   Before I get into the shower at the gym I yell "Hey Fag!" If any one turns around I leave.

   Fox News is the conservative Republican version of Josef Goebbels' Ministry of Propaganda, with more rhetoric.

   The republican party... I'm sorry I thought we were telling jokes

   asks, "What do you get when you cross ketchup with wasabi? WASSUP!"

   Jesus saves... He must shop at Wall*Mart...

   Diarrhoea; the gay guys' period

   It seems in the eyes of his critics, Obama can do no good. He could find the cure for cancer but that would still not be good enough. Obama is the president of United States today and tomorrow, deal with it or migrate.

   Ge out of Hell Free card! Jesus Christ is your only Salvation!

   Obama re-election: Beyond 'Hope' and 'Change' ... Now its 'Poverty and Debt'........

   If you wear two swim suits you can pee in the pool this summer-Dr.Fauchi

   Is it just me...., or does "Ebola" sound kind of like "Obama?"

   Religion is only for frightening children to obey old people.

   Licking pu$sy is like playing with the mafia: one wrong move and your in deep sh*t.

   Father's Day is the most confusing day in the Ghetto !!!