Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4791 of 6369
In line at CVS I leaned close to the lady in front of me and whispered "boots with the fuuuuur." Now she's gone and I'm next.
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12-03-2011 05:44 by flinnie
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I was stopped 4 speeding! The officer got out of her car, Said to me"'I been waiting 4u all day''.I replied "Got here as fast as I can". she laugh and let me go!
Good people die because they don't deserve to suffer here on earth so God takes them to a better place.
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12-15-2011 02:41
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pineapples....some of yall will get it
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01-28-2012 15:58
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can’t wait to put “fully vaccinated” on my dating profiles like an adoptable dog.
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04-10-2021 12:03
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Have you ever looked at someone and thought 'shut the hell up'... and they weren't even speaking...
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11-27-2021 12:37 by Gabe
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How dare Emma Watson pose nude for publicity? Who does she think she is, the First Lady?
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03-22-2017 05:53
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Two goldfish in a bowl. One says to the other "If there is no God,who changes our water every week?"
"Free at Last!! Free at Last!! Thank God Almighty it's Friday!!!!"
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12-11-2009 01:24
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Friends touching each other inappropriately makes me a sad panda
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09-12-2010 16:16 by Zack
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IS + Ebola = Problem Solved
I was asked to run a marathon & I said "No way". Then I was told it was for Down Syndrom & blind kids & I thought "Fack it. I could win that!"
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11-20-2011 18:51
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I own 11,000 air guitars and I know a guy in Russia that owns 5 more then me,,,
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01-25-2012 20:56 by migasjoe
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News casters trying to find snappy name for current heat wave - Some suggest calling it: Summer
Im giving away dead batteries, they are free of charge!
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07-21-2011 19:11
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I just heard Justin Bieber for the first time and she sounds like a very nice little girl so stop being mean to her!
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04-23-2010 15:04
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2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.
"One of the few things I really about FaceBook is that you can post or quote almost anything and few people will question it."- Abraham Lincoln :)
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03-26-2010 16:26 by Luka
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Cats are so disgusting it makes them puke.
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08-14-2012 05:32 by Huck
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