Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING NEWS: Facebook is closing this February 29th-31st in observance of the Bowling Green Massacre Memorial service. Please take note.

   I imagine a two year old having a temper tantrum as being the next statue erected honoring all those brave men and women who refuse to wear a mask.

   CNN money reported that the places trump won, represents 71% of the income tax from middle and lower class. L1bs hate them because they have a work ethic.

   Xmas idea: let your child watch Chucky, then explain Elf on the Shelf

   "I was Country, when Country wasn't cool." Newsflash. It still isn't.

   Wanting to watch OANN for the truth is like eating donuts for weight loss.

   Taking the dog to the vet see you in $300

   If you're going to slow down on the freeway whenever you see a cop, try not having the "I have a heroin condom in my butt" look on your face

   Ever wonder why the side of the car says" to protect and serve"????? Protect the donuts and serve the coffee................

   Yes,, I'm just posting for the sake of posting.. I'm sorry that my posts aren't curing cancer like yours are.

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.

   May the 4th be with you. To celebrate I just put a C-3PO action figure in my bum.

   So if a naked chick does a full split on the ground should you consult the 5 second rule on whether you should eat it or not?

   We have a very small hen house door,,,So you've probably guessed already...Sorry,, no fat chicks

   I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole.

   Girls who are shaped like hot pockets have no business taking full body pictures.

   Only users lose drugs!

   Ladies: If he is only interested in your breasts, legs and thighs send him to KFC. Don't be his value meal.

   My sleep number is 2...bong rips

   I wonder if Stevie Wonder knows he's black?