Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've never liked race related jokes, probably because I wasn't much of a runner

   It sucks when you have to much month left at the end of your money

   sitting at work prairie doggin' because I don't want to use the company bathroom. I hope I can hold this in for another 5 hours.

   I am not really scared that the world will end on 12/21/2012...I"m just scared of what crazy things people will do on that day.

   I am not allowed to talk to strange punctuations

   Internet Issues: Open a new tab & forget why.

   I need audio of crickets chirping on my phone so I can play after someone I don't like says a bad joke.

   I am such a thoughtful Lad! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up.

   These girls in my online class are sooo hot hot. ... Oh wait nevermind, that's just internet porn.

   just shot my eye out ..the sights must be off on my Red Ryder B.B. gun!

   undefeated at BattleShip. Mostly because I stack my ships on top of one another.

   Aww man....I hate it when I catch a major headache hours before the countdown to the New Year's. Waking up at 4am....feels like I got thrown in the future....Where am I? What year is it ppl?

   I just had a fart so epic & explosive Michael Bay has agreed to direct the sequels!

   Nothing is sexier than knowing the person you're with can be with anyone they want and they chose you or atleast that is what my wife says.

   Baby, You're rapidly replacing porn as the reason I get on the internet.

   women are like cable tv: some channels are good and some channels are bad, but those really fun kinky channels always cost you more.

   5 guys for lunch ...the burger place, you sickos

   Count your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years.

   Don't ask my opinion right now.. I am completely honest when I'm sick..

   After going back to school I can now spell G.H.O.S.T.