Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hopefully the guy on the Skywire doesn't have to sneeze anytime soon.. Looks Dusty

   The guy who came up with the spelling of the word Wednesday was probably the same lame ass who showed up to the party on time.

   Move over Belle and Jasmine... Leia is the new #1 Disney Princess...

   You haven't visited my farm on Facebook. Don't you love me anymore? - Crazy Girlfriend

   whether its for you or her. Women want more Mouth in the South.

   One way to keep women out of NASCAR.... Don't throw the Yellow when she's stopped backwards on the race track...

   I miss when a girl hit you it meant she liked you and you chased her around the playground. Now when she hits you, it's with her car.

   After watching E.T. I'm kinda skeptical. If I found an alien in my shed I'd probably be more likely to beat the crap out of it with a shovel than give it Reese's Pieces.

   Hey guys if my wife asks, Facebook pays us bi-annually, that should buy me some time.

   Facebook is not a shower, so keep your clothes on ho!

   People have a tendency to become like they are treated. If they are not like all the others, you might want to treat them differently.

   Relationships are like cul-de-sacs once you get deep in you have to make a U-Turn

   like a bra, she gives me support and is close to my heart

   Wanna have some fun? Ask a really stoned person to say the word indubitably.

   All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!

   I can't hear you over the sound of how EPIC I am.

   Thinks the invention of the credit/debit card, homeless people must be pissed.. do you take visa does not sound as good as a couple quarters bouncin in a cup!

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   sin's so skilfully that it puts god in a dilemma whether to punish or not...

   "always on your mind" and if I wasn't before I am now.