Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   DVD is to VHS as facebook is to myspace

   Vagiinas are like the weather if its raining and wet, Its time to go inside!

   (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin. They hatin!

   I heard it's pretty hard to get a medical marijuana card. I'll be right back, I'm gonna go jump off my roof!

   NASA has confirmed that on December 21, late afternoon, the sky will go very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".

   Melania Trump just reported a suspicious small package in her bedroom.

   Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him.

   VUVUZELA the most despised and annoying musical PLASTIC device since Michael Jackson !

   since Obama is trying to get rid of Guantomino bay, we will now be sending captured terrorists on Carnival Cruises

   thinks Obama could help solve the Toyota crisis by raising the federal speed limit to 120 mph

   Now I lay her down to eat, I pray her pus*y don't smell like feet. But if it smells to bad to lick, I pray she's good at sucking di*k. Amen

   thinks people with parkinsons just have a good song stuck in their head

   ended her relationship with Kanye West...

   what you need!

   So I got an special announcement to share with you all. I am running for president!!! Like we can't screw up this country enough. #gary2024

   Trump said that nobody has been tougher on Russia than him. And also, he says he's been a good and faithful husband.

   CNN & MSNBC reporting this morning that 'Un-named sources claim Covid-19 concocted by Trump in his White House bunker using son Barron's chemistry set he got for Christmas'

   sometimes I wake up Grumpy but I generally just let her sleep!

   ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶ YIPPEE!!

   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.