Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the economy is soo bad that The Mafia is laying off judges...

   when you go to a Star Wars convention, the odds of getting a girl are good. But the goods are odd...

   the definition of Door: What my dog is perpetually on the wrong side of!

   never allowed his schooling to interfere with his education.

   Sometimes you think a thought and just when you think that thought was not worth thinking then you think about it and after have thought the thought over will never think it again.

   wondering what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag around.

   so hot that he needs someone to become a fan!!

   "Every leader that is willing to go forward has got to get used to getting wounded and scarred by those he's willing to live and die for."

   Draft beer, not people.

   playing with a full deck.

   to belittle is to be little.

   could it be? Is that water you are walking on? Oh wait, that is just your sh!t hole, sorry about that... thought you were someone who could judge others..

   Saw Jack B. Nimble today at the candlestick store. Don't know why he has to jump over those things! Seems too risky.

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   been to the dark side...they lied about the candy

   I need to throw that guy a "get a life" jacket...

   BP Consulting with Toyota about Making Things Stop

   These high gas prices sure have made it hard to land on the dollar when filling up.

   loves each and every one of you. Happy opposite day everyone!

   I have Never faked a Sarcasm in my Life!