Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   playing with a full deck.

   to belittle is to be little.

   could it be? Is that water you are walking on? Oh wait, that is just your sh!t hole, sorry about that... thought you were someone who could judge others..

   Saw Jack B. Nimble today at the candlestick store. Don't know why he has to jump over those things! Seems too risky.

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   been to the dark side...they lied about the candy

   I need to throw that guy a "get a life" jacket...

   BP Consulting with Toyota about Making Things Stop

   These high gas prices sure have made it hard to land on the dollar when filling up.

   loves each and every one of you. Happy opposite day everyone!

   I have Never faked a Sarcasm in my Life!

   Happy Friendship day.. is much like.. Happy Friendzone day!

   Why isnt' the tooth fairy a symbol of Halloween? Thank about it.

   I had the unfortunate task of telling my dog he's adopted today.

   a wheelchair is just grocery cart to a cannibal

   Hey New Years Rockin Eve.... WHERE"S THE ROCK????

   I'm thinking of going back to school and getting my PHD in bations. I already have my Masters.

   Bruce Lee doesn't drink water....he drinks wataaaa

   What do we tell Jesus when he comes back to earth and finds out we call the day of his death Good Friday? He be all like ... WTF?

   Well well well, if it isn't the girl who escaped from my trunk.