Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Draft beer, not people.

   playing with a full deck.

   to belittle is to be little.

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   If practicing your autograph is g@y, I don't wanna be straight.

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   During a speech at Columbia University, founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, said his rival at Apple, Steve Jobs, has done a fantastic job. Then Gates froze up and had to be restarted. :)

   I can finally sympathize with women after I had to make a CVS trip at 2 am because my XBOX controller ran out of batteries.

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   mark wahlberg said "The world needs Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber is like the white Tupac compared to a lot of people out there." marky mark need to go back to rehab for PCP.

   wondering what Tennesse Titans' nickname is, giving that Jacksonville Jaguars is "Jags" and Tampa Bay Bucaneers is "Bucs".

   how selfish are my neighbours to have a pin number on thier wifi.....rude that's what I call it!

   I have Never faked a Sarcasm in my Life!

   Happy Friendship day.. is much like.. Happy Friendzone day!

   Why isnt' the tooth fairy a symbol of Halloween? Thank about it.

   I had the unfortunate task of telling my dog he's adopted today.

   a wheelchair is just grocery cart to a cannibal

   Hey New Years Rockin Eve.... WHERE"S THE ROCK????

   I'm thinking of going back to school and getting my PHD in bations. I already have my Masters.

   Nothing is more disturbing than going into a public restroom and sitting on a warm toilet seat.