Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish the world were a fly and I was a giant rolled up newspaper.

   Scrolling down your Facebook News Feed can sometimes be just like scrolling down the spam folder in your yahoo mail.

   If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.

   Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

   USED CAR FOR SALE CHEAP !!! Drives great, Low Mileage, Car trunk smells like chloroform and dead animals. Contact: Casey Marie Anthony, Inmate #08049710, at Orange County Jail, P.O. Box 4970, Orlando, FL 32802-4970, or call (407) 836-3400

   this status update is dedicated to all the status-less people out there, stay strong

   in a recent poll asking if illegal immigration is a problem...A: yes 20%, B: no 10%, C: no comprende 70%

   girls should come with a carfax

   A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he's just going to use it for drugs and alcohol, and then I thought... That's what I'm going to use it for

   Walmart, because going to Target requires a shower

   Why can't braille just be in the shape of the letters?

   80% of people have a brain, the other 20% are in my friend list clicking on spam as we speak

   I can already hear the birds judging me for sleeping till noon tomorrow.

   whenever I get tired of being single I take a dump on myself, to remember what its like to be in a relationship

   i hate it when you go to a vuvuzela concert and people start playing soccer

   If you lose something let it go, but when it comes back, that's how you know.

   Sometimes things just don't work out....like when you finally get your foot in the door, someone slams it!

   who ever said "the freaks come out at night" has obviously never been to Walmart during the day

   i hate people who take drugs, customs and police for example

   you know why some people always run their mouths??..because talk is cheap and for some, it's all they can afford