Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4705 of 6369
chutes and ladders prepared me for lifes disappointments. They should have called it..Your jobs gonna suck
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03-22-2012 07:59
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what happened to all the good girls nowadays ? it's like looking water in the desert .
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03-26-2012 20:03
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Hopes her status is now fixed so she can back to her false reality that she is popular;)
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03-28-2012 12:01 by Missy
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Dear Lord, give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
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03-28-2012 16:32
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F I win the..$US- 640 mega millions JACKPOT..Im Building a Death Star..well down payment to start it any ways..!!
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03-30-2012 18:49
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Good: Random acts of kindness… Better: Random acts of sexual kindness.
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04-06-2012 15:42
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a dying grandma told her grandson, "I have left you a farm with all the tools, animals, licences and 5million euros to your name". Dumbfounded the grandson said "WOW, you are so kind...I didn't know you had a farm, where is it". "Facebook" she said!
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04-08-2012 16:36
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Justin Bieber's new single "Boyfriend" is a first of sorts, with the song-lyrics being written as if she were a man.
Nothing better than coming home from work, pop open a beer and watch the dog drag a$$ on the carpet.
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04-16-2012 18:11 by Steve OH
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Revenge is a dish best served without bacon.
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06-02-2012 12:56
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I comb my hair using a fork and start talking about astrology to myself each time I see a Jehovahs Witness walking towards me in a restaurant.
my mind never wonders but my hands do ;)
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06-07-2012 02:12
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A man lying in bed facing his wife, looks into her eyes and says, "Looking at your face reminds me of the lottery babe", She replies "You mean I'm worth millions?" He says "No I wish you would roll over !"
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06-07-2012 11:49 by Jhows21
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"they judge me before they even know me, that's why I'm better off alone" - Shrek
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06-10-2012 08:54
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Times like these you know who your true girlfriends are
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06-10-2012 23:30
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Mirror - "Ooh you look cute today!" Camara - "Lol, no."
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06-14-2012 17:36
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I don't always wear boxers, but when I do it's brief.
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06-27-2012 22:27
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The political frustrations of this week remind me how happy I am to have allegiance to greater kingdom.
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06-30-2012 08:21 by Jeff
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I was delivered by C-section. I wasn't worthy of an A or even a B-section.
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06-30-2012 19:13
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I'm pretty sure I got my sense of humor from my mother because when I was 10 years old my Dad said he sent her to the funny farm.
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06-30-2012 19:27
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