Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4696 of 6369
Hands up if your down to get down tonight!!
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09-24-2012 19:21
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Ladies, how will we know you're going through a tough breakup if you're not clutching your coffee mug with both hands?
No smartphones for my kids. They need to suffer from years of fleeting, awkward eye contact with strangers like I did.
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09-27-2012 15:22 by JMartin
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This b itch that started the whole "You can't hurry love" bullsh-it obviously gave terrible blow jobs.
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10-05-2012 15:24
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A broken spirit doesn't stay broken forever. When it's whole again, God have mercy on my tormenters, because I won't.
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10-14-2012 14:03
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Most important thing I learned today: My Talk to kids/Nice voice sounds INCREDIBLY HOMOSEXUAL
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
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07-14-2012 15:09 by Baddie
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Ladies: Invest in men's weakness. Buy sexy lingerie.
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07-17-2012 15:35
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My stalker has never sent me a nude pic of herself, I don't think she is taking this relationship serious.
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07-19-2012 07:38
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My life advice to kids: In the end Blossom grew up to be Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend,,,, that's all you need to know.
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07-21-2012 13:05 by snotty
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There is a button on my oven that says 'stop time'. I am pretty sure it means 'stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.
What if Pitbull hasn't really slept with all those girls and he is just bragging?
I want a person to come into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
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07-27-2012 23:41
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Trying to change my ways.......Now when I pick my nose, I don't wipe it on people anymore.
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07-28-2012 21:16 by K-Mac
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Why the hell would you hire me at this waxing salon if I can't dress up as Zorro and shape a "Z" into everyone's pubes?
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07-30-2012 03:05
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You know your ''OLD'' when your age is higher than the whole Womens Olympic Gymnastic Team!!!
Second black out in India in two days......They really need to upgrade those tech support phone line so this will quit happening.
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07-31-2012 08:02 by K-Mac
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Life is like a roll of toilet paper....The closer it gets to the end the faster it spins!!!
Saying ''Oh Yeah, I remember!'' when you have no idea what their talking about!
I'm just a Flintstones girl, trying to make it in a Transformers world.
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08-03-2012 10:05
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