Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   IF A MALE AND FEMALE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM 8 HOURS A DAY 5 DAYS A WEEK ITS GONNA HAPPEND SONNER OR LATER

   Stephen Hawking has died. Now he will have to face the God he said does not exist.

   If Obama can break the rules, so can the Patriots dammit.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!

   Dems hate rich people except those who can sing, act or play a sport...

   What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass? A dart.

   The worst part about fighting with your dog is the makeup sex.

   Since Obama is negotiating with terrorists......... Let's offer Mexico a prisoner swap. We will give them 11.7 million immigrants in exchange for our one Marine.

   We go together like salt and slugs.

   Make money like a man, spend it like a woman.

   All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.

   Remember last week when I said I couldn’t wait for all the Christmas candy to be gone? Well, I lied…

   So Pete saw his shadow today...that means 6 more feet of winter right???

   For men who think.."A women's place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that's where the Knives are kept!

   Some people have obsession with destruction.

   Honestly,, I don't think I can stomach stomach stomach stomach any more cow jokes

   Trust me on this one. Ever notice when first meeting a woman the first thing she does is size up a mans crotch. . .

   Warm weather brings all the crackheads out.

   Women have 2 guys in their life.. The one they are screwing, and the one they should be screwing.

   A good man is really hard to find.. When all you're looking for are the bad ones.