Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon After knocking all the mens hats off, Bill was escorted out of the safety meeting screaming "I can dance if I want to"........
←Rate | 04-27-2013 10:39 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men who cry don't have nut sacks, they have testical purses.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 02:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dough boy died of a yeast infection. He's survived by his wife Jayne & daughter, Dill Dough. Services to be held at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 00:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night I turned wine into vomit. Your move, Jesus.
←Rate | 11-08-2015 16:36 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Okay, I haven't seen a damn spider around here in like three days...What the hell are they planning??
←Rate | 07-04-2011 21:43 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon headed back to 1988 to pick up a few thousand Microsoft stocks
←Rate | 08-02-2009 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon SUPERBAD and McLOVIN every minute of it.
←Rate | 09-12-2009 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 16:02 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon What a great interview on ABC. I especially loved it when James Comey says President Trump is a serial liar, treats women like “meat” and is a “stain” on all who work for him. Greatest show ever!
←Rate | 04-16-2018 00:03 Comments (2)  


   messageicon God traffic sucks today. So glad that 47 per cent of the people in this country don't even try otherwise traffic would be even worse!
←Rate | 09-20-2012 10:50 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait for the Columbine themed episode of Glee.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so tired of hearing about Tiger Woods and Jesse James...it happens to everybody just ask me about my "X"!
←Rate | 04-07-2010 14:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon preparing for confession. Anyone have an unused condom?
←Rate | 05-31-2010 15:00 by X Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..just quit her job washing cats. I hated it! I could never get the fur off my tongue.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 05:57 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Saturday night the House narrowly passed the healthcare bill. They say the reason it passed was because Nancy Pelosi didn't blink. But she hasn't blinked since what, 1982?
←Rate | 11-11-2009 13:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants you to give it up for his band Sexual Chocolate
←Rate | 11-18-2009 22:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
←Rate | 07-24-2010 12:55 by 82 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picturs of the queen naked.....Oopps! this is'nt Google
←Rate | 11-08-2010 20:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn girl your skinny! I rolled blunts fatter then you but you've been passed around more!
←Rate | 03-16-2011 23:39 by Lozo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump is running for president. Are we on Candid Camera?
←Rate | 06-16-2015 16:13 by akatinamarie Comments (0)  




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