Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lets face it tubby....YOUR FAT ! I am not going to sugar coat it,...cause you eat that to .

   Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status...After 5 it should default to 'Unstable'

   OMG = Obama Must Go

   If you want to worship someone who was tortured, killed, then came back to life, I'd say Wile E. Coyote should be it. He's the one who REALLY took one for the team.

   After knocking all the mens hats off, Bill was escorted out of the safety meeting screaming "I can dance if I want to"........

   Men who cry don't have nut sacks, they have testical purses.

   The Dough boy died of a yeast infection. He's survived by his wife Jayne & daughter, Dill Dough. Services to be held at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

   Last night I turned wine into vomit. Your move, Jesus.

   Okay, I haven't seen a damn spider around here in like three days...What the hell are they planning??

   headed back to 1988 to pick up a few thousand Microsoft stocks

   SUPERBAD and McLOVIN every minute of it.

   My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.

   What a great interview on ABC. I especially loved it when James Comey says President Trump is a serial liar, treats women like “meat” and is a “stain” on all who work for him. Greatest show ever!

   God traffic sucks today. So glad that 47 per cent of the people in this country don't even try otherwise traffic would be even worse!

   I can't wait for the Columbine themed episode of Glee.

   so tired of hearing about Tiger Woods and Jesse James...it happens to everybody just ask me about my "X"!

   preparing for confession. Anyone have an unused condom?

   ..just quit her job washing cats. I hated it! I could never get the fur off my tongue.

   On Saturday night the House narrowly passed the healthcare bill. They say the reason it passed was because Nancy Pelosi didn't blink. But she hasn't blinked since what, 1982?

   wants you to give it up for his band Sexual Chocolate