Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There is no such thing as 'American English'. There is English and there are mistakes.

   First Paul Walker now Nelson Mandela please let the third person be Lil Wayne

   I broke up with my cross eyed boyfriend he was seeing 2 people at once

   Everyone's all, 'OMG! Snow!', and I'm just over here like, 'Hey, tonight Obama is going to officially announce that he's going to overtly rule by decree.'

   When I squirt on you, consider yourself baptized in my love

   Oral in the morning.... because your breath smells like ass anyway.

   ...nice mouth on that Palin kid: I know somebody who needs to buy a new keyboard 'cuz the S, T, F, and you are completely worn out!!

   supposed to cross the street with the skeleton. But he didn't have the guts

   I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

   just heard Miley Cyrus is releasing a new song and dedicating it to Perez Hilton...it's called "Party In The Cell Block A"......

   now knows what happened to Michael Jackson. South Africa made thousands of vuvuzela horns out of him.

   I'm beginning to hate these whiny liberal groups!!!!!! Always crying about something.

   How stupid is it when someone removes you as a friend, you ask them why and they say, "Why do you think, moron?"... Um, if I knew why, then would I be asking you dumbass?

   police are investigating the 7 winners of last weeks euro lottery syndicate, they dont believe that 7 people from liverpool actually had a job!!!

   Never shave your legs when you have goosebumps. I'm just sayin'.

   if corn oil is made from corn, vegtable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

   Statistically 5/4 of peoplehave trouble with fractions.

   The difference between women and batteries is that batteries have positive sides.

   Remember, Eat Your School, Stay in Drugs &&& Don't Do Vegetables?.......Wait........

   I disagree... It's going to be a Great Friday!