Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Listen ladies, you know men are not faithful so how bout giving us some tips on how to cheat properly because ya'll the best at it anyway.

   I wish my gps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

   It's so hot here, gangsters are doing drive bys with squirt guns.

   Every time an angel has a menstrual cycle a maxipad gets its wings

   "I just want to sit on your Face" ~ is that being to forward?

   On a scale of 1 to Osama Bin Ladin, how good was my hiding spot??

   How stupid is it when someone removes you as a friend, you ask them why and they say, "Why do you think, moron?"... Um, if I knew why, then would I be asking you dumbass?

   now knows what happened to Michael Jackson. South Africa made thousands of vuvuzela horns out of him.

   I'm beginning to hate these whiny liberal groups!!!!!! Always crying about something.

   ...nice mouth on that Palin kid: I know somebody who needs to buy a new keyboard 'cuz the S, T, F, and you are completely worn out!!

   supposed to cross the street with the skeleton. But he didn't have the guts

   I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

   just heard Miley Cyrus is releasing a new song and dedicating it to Perez Hilton...it's called "Party In The Cell Block A"......

   police are investigating the 7 winners of last weeks euro lottery syndicate, they dont believe that 7 people from liverpool actually had a job!!!

   Never shave your legs when you have goosebumps. I'm just sayin'.

   if corn oil is made from corn, vegtable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

   Statistically 5/4 of peoplehave trouble with fractions.

   The difference between women and batteries is that batteries have positive sides.

   Eminem made a better Superman than Nolan.

   Welcome to Vegas,,,,,, Where what you don't know about your bedspread won't hurt you..