Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   knows the world cannot end in 2012, because my GNC protein bars expire in 02/2013

   i went up 2 my smartest friend and asked what does idk, g2g, and ttyl mean? and he said I dont know, got 2 go, and talk to you later. so I said fine! bye!

   The Best part of tonight is no alarm clock tomorrow

   World Cup 2010 Winner is Arge███████ loading 73%

   thinks the city of Cleveland should be more concerned about other things besides losing Lebron James. Things like...uh CRIME!

   I caught myself updating my Facebook status in my sleep & I think I actually would've posted it if the rumble strips on the highway didn't wake me up first.

   Do ducks play "me, me, goose"?

   I hope the trend of businesses placing hand sanitizers everywhere soon extends to ATMs.Imagine what germs the slobs who use my ATM are carrying,considering they can't even bother to either take their receipts or throw them in a garbage can 6 inches away

   Its hot as hades outside, some people call it hell, I call it hades..ummmmhhhhhh

   "never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard on and never, ever trust a fart." Jack Nicholson

   If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.

   making a list of why you suck

   wonders... How do crazy people go through the forest?They take the psycho path.

   "I guess when they asked me to get the horse bridled and mount her, I did something completely wrong"

   it seems like alot of people get great comments when they change there relationship status to "Single" so I'm gonna be in a temporary relationship just to let you all know I'm still single?

   The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'

   I don't know who example555@hotmail.com is but I wish he would stop using my MSN Messenger.

   A mother my have a thousand daughters but a daughter has only one mother

   It was all so different before everything changed.

   Lou Gehrig didn't have Lou Gehrig's disease. What's next? We find out Hugh Downs doesn't have Down's syndrome?