Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   bets there's no problem finding salt for the roads when it snows in Margaritaville

   each one of my 6 personalities has its own Facebook page.

   Instead of going thru all the trouble of getting in shape I think I'll just adopt a catchey nickname like "THE OVER WEIGHT LOVER HEAVY J"

   I guess Chely Wright really was looking for a 'Single White Female'.

   wants to wish everyone a happy Mother's Eve, not to be confused with Summer's Eve... a feminine hygiene product.

   Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.

   The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.

   got excited when he had a "Group Request" in Facebook. Sadly though, it wasn't even close to the type of "groups" he had dreams about ..

   You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.

   finds the ginkgo biloba pill kinda funny...its for helping ur memory but you got to remember to take the pill in order for it to work

   Next Week is not good for me the Jonas Brothers are in town

   Sign of the times when you don't take a newspaper or magazine to the bathroom with you anymore. Instead you take your iPad with you. Be sure to wipe the screen when your done!!!

   To appreciate heaven , it's good for a person to have some fifteen minutes of hell

   Women should come with Miranda Rights....because if you say the wrong thing, it will come back to haunt you!

   If they made hats the size of some peoples brains they would be wearing a peanut shell.

   The one good thing about my hand is I dont have to take it home afterwards..

   flicking Captain Crunch at an evil garden gnome

   "AND HE WAS JUST A HAIR AWAY FROM GETTING THE SACK!" I love football.

   wondering if night-time funeral processions drive with their lights off or what?

   a recent survey has found that most men do not partake in doing Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL) as ritual before going to an evening event/gala. Adversely, men are apt to remain active in an older tradition spanning many decades... Shave, Shower, Sh-it. (SSS)