Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4648 of 6384
I love earth, except the people on it.
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07-08-2013 04:27
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If you don't back up and pin the doctor the wall when he sticks his finger in, it's not a prostate exam.
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07-10-2013 01:11
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I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already in there don't need company. - Tyrion Lannister
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07-12-2013 01:12
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I wish my name was Grudge. This way women would hold on to me forever.
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07-14-2013 11:28
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I Never understood why people watch porn together while having sex. If I have porn then what the hell do I need with another person?"
Actually, it's either: "DRIVING" or "RIDING" six white horses. Who's the dumb@$$ now?
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07-20-2013 21:13
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About this whole Royal Baby thing, I googled "who cares?" and my name wasn't in the search results.
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07-22-2013 16:51
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If you don't have an ugly person in your group of friends, it's probably you.
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08-02-2013 14:49
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If she says "I'm fine" that means she's fine and you can keep playing Xbox.......... lol
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08-02-2013 17:57 by snotty
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Some people wait their entire life for their status to be "liked"..not realizing that it has been p0sted a million times before..
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08-07-2013 11:57
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Having just watched Kim Kardashian in Tyler Perry’s Temptations, I have come to the conclusion that her sex tape is the closest she should have been allowed to acting. Damn you Tyler Perry.
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09-01-2013 05:02 by Baddie
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I "Country Music" hate you.
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02-20-2013 12:10
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It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
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03-05-2013 16:29
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Let's get it straight. It's not about the, "Right to bear arms", it's about the, "Right to arm bears."
May I borrow your pen? I promise to return it all chewed up and full of spit.
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03-23-2013 06:41
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you know you are great at sex when she tells her friends...and her family....and the police. :|
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03-31-2013 17:45
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Yeah yeah, I'm a Grammar Nazi. Better than a Dumb Fokker.
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04-06-2013 13:40 by Mickey
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I was walking down the road staring at my phone & tripped over a smart car.
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04-06-2013 13:58
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JAB, Can you only imagine how many people not on our friends list who are doing the same thing we're doing. Ignoring each other, it's been good ignoring with you.. have a good evening. . .
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04-06-2013 19:39
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Someone should really tell the ACM's it's COUNTRY MUSIC! Sad.
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04-07-2013 22:54
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