Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Anyone else noticing a pattern of flies being attracted to Obama?

   Love is when she throats you so deep she throws up on you, composes herself, then keeps going. She only regrets she had to stop for a moment.

   well Obama just signed the Health Care Bill... I'm making sandwiches and moving into a storm cellar.

   I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on. "Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said. "But Dad, I'm 18," he protested. "I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me wank."

   glad to see Obama giving Bush some recognition. He named the faultline under Haiti, "Bush's Fault."

   Make America Great Again! Deport Trump...

   God I hate T-Party

   I wonder how many times Michelle reminds Barack that he's only half black??

   USA & UK... Two countries standing side by side fighting the terrorist!!!!

   If you are getting it for free, you have no right to complain about the quality.

   So the logical response to a perceived injustice in my town is to steal everything I can, then burn it down? Why didn't I think of that after my last parking ticket?

   It's so hot outside! I'm sweating like Obama trying to find his birth certificate!

   AbbyBaby Kurt New pregnancy test for black woman was just released on the market. Insert banana in vagina, then remove after 10seconds. If banana is half missin, there's another monkey on the way!!!

   I got more moves than a bucket of worms

   From leading mobile phone company to leading mobile app company.. #BlackBerry

   I did very much enjoy the week long 'Almost Human" promotional movie. I loved the commercials that had the baseball too.

   I had a choice tonight to either watch the Redskins lose on Monday Night Football or clean the toilets in my house. Since I didn't feel like throwing up this evening I'm cleaning house

   @ 300 X 365 that is 109,500 a year. I am determined to get one million people on my block list. That will take me 10 years. Now hiring. . .

   I love you to pieces is a creepy way to tell someone you love them and would also like to dismember them

   Look, I can't take you seriously if you still have your pants on.