Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They always say never work with animals or kids, this is especially true in porn. :/

   Seeking one-night stand... Possibly 2 because I have two lamps.

   I'd prefer to believe in Scientology rather than that stupid Q conspiracy.

   it wrong to write, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book?

   My wife thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.

   Everyone is afraid for their lives, but I guess only cops can use it as a defense.

   "STOP LAUGHING AT US!" - Americans to the rest of the world

   Trump, Conway and Spicer have now been joined in the "Shameless Joke with No Credibility" parade by Mr. Nunes. Is there room for four stooges?

   If the White House really wants to close Guantanamo Bay, why not just appoint Donald Trump its new CEO?

   Scott Baio speaks at the GOP convention on Monday and the creator of Happy Days dies on Tuesday. Coincidence? I think not.

   Don't worry about Trump, his supporters will still vote for him if he killed a baby in broad daylight with witnesses watching. So what The Donald loves to grope women?!?!

   I nominate everyone for the vodka bucket challenge.

   "Christmas" Trees $5.00 per ft...."Holiday" Trees $20 per ft......Merry Christmas!

   All those exercise videos are worthless, I bought and watch them over and over and not lost one lb

   Do you ever think that if it weren't for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .

   Yes, Peyton..... Choking is cover under the obamacare! -Mr President

   i'm a Maths terro$$ist with close ties to Algebra,i have weapons of math instruction.

   "You want proof that baseball players are smarter than football players? How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?" ~Jim Bouton

   Why do people always make jokes insinuating that people who use crayons are crazy? I like my crayons! Especially the blue one. It makes my poo purple

   Spiders - because men need to feel useful.