Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4611 of 6384
thinks It's easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.
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11-30-2009 15:19
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
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01-08-2010 23:37
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Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them
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01-09-2010 00:02
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The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
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02-01-2010 16:09
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loves facebook b/c it gives him the perfect media to use the third person!!!
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03-04-2010 14:27 by Barry
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Protip: when wearing a waterbra, DO NOT lift a heavy box of sheet metal. You'll either end up with a hefty lefty or a mighty righty, not to mention a gigantic wet spot.
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03-10-2010 21:02
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went 2 the corner store and saw the ugliest pregnant lady in the world and I just thought, 'Good for you.
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03-16-2010 15:03 by matt
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has joined The Handsome Mens Club...
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03-30-2010 17:54
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Successful 8-hour sleep diet. Woke up and rewarded willpower with gravy biscuits and sweet tea. HAPPY HUMP DAY, Y'ALL!
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01-05-2011 09:39
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Money can't buy happiness? I just bought THE best package of vanilla frosting covered cupcakes of all time, for $5. I'm happier than a dog with two peters.
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08-26-2010 16:54
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There is nothing more convenient than putting on a pair of pants that already has the belt on.
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08-30-2010 14:51
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she would rather be a smartass than a dumbass
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09-17-2010 23:50 by Carolynn
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(SINGS) this is the Song that Never ends.. it just goes on and on my friend.. Some ppl started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it 4ever just because... LOL!! Bet your singing it now too! YW!
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09-25-2010 14:41
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I got a flu shot for $24 from Target However, I declined the offer of a $50 colonoscopy in the men's room.
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09-30-2010 13:08 by jimboleem
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Avoid red fingers. Eat Hot Cheetos using a toothpick.
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10-10-2010 18:26
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thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% bad ass that lysol can never kill!!
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10-11-2010 02:14
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put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong
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10-30-2010 09:36
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anyone heard anything about Cam Newton? It's been kinda quiet the past 3 minutes
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
thankful he's not a turkey