Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just heard on the news we're still waiting on news of the falling satellite. Anyone know where Bruce Willis is?

   "In the libray by Prof. Plum with a wrench!!..No?! Um- Then in the Den by Col. Mustard with a Candlestick!! No?! Umm..."-said our political leaders who don't have a f*cking Clue as to what's killing our economy or how to fix it.

   Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I'm yours.

   Women are like stamps. We lick them and send them on their way.

   Trying to explain to my blackberry with the death of Mr. Jobs that usually we take a MOMENT of silence not DAYS!!

   it's never to early in life to do anything...except get out of bed!

   Just deleted all attractive people from his facebook friends list. Woah that feels better.

   there has to be more in this universe, because earth is not where I belong

   Confucius Say: When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.

   Pretending to be someone else is hurting and sabotaging yourself because you're telling yourself that the real you, is useless and worthless.

   The Red Plastic Cup.... Making you feel like 15 to 24 years old again!

   awake and alive __ and the coffee is at its Sunday best; I love these moments :)

   Lady GaGa looked like Ralph Machio from Karate Kid on the VMA's tonight

   So i'm heading down to the ballgame with my 2 buddies, and some guy says to me: "are they going too". I replied: "No, there just coming to sit in the car while I watch the game"... Why do people stupidly state the obvious?

   Minorites "we have issues we need help with" Corporations "ok, we hear you, you want diverse MnMs

   I buried our dead snowman in the neighbor’s backyard

   Don't be so hard on Melania. It's not like that high school dropout who got by on her looks and married rich ever took shortcuts in life.

   The reason for this massive heat wave in the States is that we have two of Satans biggest spawns running for president.

   .. Turns out it's true that Malia Obama was smoking a joint .... But so what? .... What's the big deal ... Her father does it too.

   Jeff Flake voted against disaster relief for Hurricane Katrina. And the guy hates Trump. Now that's saying something.