Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if dinosaurs really existed why dont you hear about them in the bible?...not even loading 2 of them on the ark

   After the morning news...decided I didnt need to play R.E.M (It's the end of the world, as we know it ) every morning, like I have since November 2008.....Bahahahahaha

   considering starting a Hooters for us girls. It will be called C*cks, feature a rooster instead of an owl, and only hire gorgeous, well-hung boy toys.

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   America: We blow sh*t up better than the rest of yous funny-talkin' countries.

   M uslims killing M uslims is a NO NO in I slam. But killing anybody else who is not a M uslim is perfectly fine.

   I saw my lawyer at the grocery store but I didn’t speak to him because I didn’t have $300 on me.

   Loves getting the mail at 3:30 in the afternoon. If my postman were any lazier I'd say he was Puerto Rican

   got the power

   i bet evry person that has ever been on The Maury Povich Show voted for Obama.

   For all that don't know yet " Batman DIES in the New Movie " your welcome.

   I know Canadians are generally boring people, but canadian25 you need to be arrested and charged with killing funny on this platform.

   Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap? Hells Bells! I must say, I'm Thunderstruck. I know it's a Long Way To The Top, and if You Want Blood, you'd better Shoot To Thrill with a Big Gun, but still he must have some Big Balls. I guess Money Talks...

   I made a poem for my coworkers.. " Don't bother me at lunch,,, Don't bother me at lunch... Don't bother me at lunch... Don't bother me at lunch.."

   Hey airlines; how 'bout you seat all the heavyweights in the same rows? I only got to sit in half the seat I paid for today!

   on the verge of a psychotic breakdown

   heard that the new George W Bush book is a pop-up picture book. At first I laughed, then I realized it made perfect sense. My professors always taught me "write for your audience". So kudos Gdub. Mission accomplished...

   I wish for once they'd kill that Harry Potter.

   kinda paranoid knowing that "therapist" looks exactly like "the rapist"

   I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.