Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4559 of 6370
If your azz is as wide as an ax handle, you shouldn't be allowed to use "LMAO"
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08-25-2011 18:56 by flinnie
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There's some consolation in the fact that even though your dreams haven't come true.... neither have your nightmares.
Refuses to add his co workers on Facebook, I don't want them to see all the sh!t I talk about them on there.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst - So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
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08-25-2011 17:43 by @clarkysj
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maybe they should make a game for your phone where you can shoot women into the air with a slingshot and try to destroy everything men say and call it ANGRY B*TCHES
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08-25-2011 17:36 by levon
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's bank account needs month-to-month resuscitation!
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08-25-2011 17:21
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I read where it said that having sex burns 4 calories per minute. I mean come on, are you serious? This has to be worng. How was this ever verified? A WHOLE minute??
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08-25-2011 17:06 by Paul
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There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??
I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on.
Just once I'd like to yell, "You're a f#%$ing disgrace!" without feeling like a hypocrite.
They can go ahead and change the name "land line" to "cell phone finder" now.
You'd think Tigger and Eeyore would have traded some of their meds.
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08-25-2011 15:57 by Aaron
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Apparently the Washington Monument has been damaged. MSNBC says the Washington monument is leaning to left. Fox news says its to the right.
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08-25-2011 15:56
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REAL Rednecks read bedtime stories using their best "monster truck" voice.
Upon receiving my new Thai Bride, I was appalled by the warning that came with the instructions: - "This product may contain nuts"
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08-25-2011 15:41 by @clarkysj
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If you want to insure you work in the field, bring something that needs to be microwaved for lunch :/
My girlfriend said, "I don't know if six inches is gonna be enough for me." Thank God we were at Subway when she said it!
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08-25-2011 15:31 by Mike M
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you know your a redneck if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!
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08-25-2011 15:30
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I wait for my cat. His litter box is right beside our toilet. When he shows up we do a synchronized poop, high five and then share a can of tuna.
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08-25-2011 15:24
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ok....am I the only one that sings "Come on Irene" laughs then knows I shouldnt?
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08-25-2011 15:00 by paulb808
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