Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Being gay is the ONLY sin people focus on. Cursing? Sin. Sex before marriage? Sin. Sins are sins. Y'all too judgmental. that's also a sin.

   My stepfather doesn't know it, but he owns the world record for eating the most jizz sandwiches in a year.

   Libyan uprising, Japan quake/tsunami, impending nuclear reactor(s) metdown -- BUSH'S FAULT

   Q: What's the difference between Hitler, Stalin & Obama?... A: We know where Hitler and Stalin were born.

   Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street... Thanks for all the good times...

   i was playing ping pong against king kong in hong kong using my ding dong ...

   jokes about suicide aren't funny, cut it out

   ___\(._.\) TO THE WINDOWS (/._.)/ TO THE WALL…

   Why is Cuba now acceptable but the Dukes of Hazzard are not?

   It's all good to be a religious person.. Just do it way over there... Away from me

   A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT AWOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY, IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF.

   Nearly 2 million DEAD Americans are still registered to vote... Therefore, President Obama might LITERALLY be reelected over our DEAD bodies!

   approves this message

   Go to church dressed as a superhero. They believe in the existence of a magical guy in the sky so your Superman outfit will fit right in.

   I signed up for the peace corps, but it sucks. Their definition of missionary is a lot different from what I thought when I told them on the application that is what I was interested in.

   Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

   you know Jay-Z isn't OCD because he only had 99 problems....an OCD person would have an even 100 problems

   It's a wonder the human race has survived if we can't even adapt to Facebook UI updates.

   I find it funny. If you find it offensive, that’s why I’m happier than you.

   Scientists, less of that new technology stuff and more of making a device that stops women from asking you questions during the game.