Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In honor of Christine O'Donnell, I am designating November as Lack of Awareness Awareness Month.

   Babe, I can't promise you that you won't have problems in your life...but I can promise you that you'll never have to face them alone..

   I'm so broke... People in Haiti are having a benefit for me !!

   Smokey Bear just celebrated his 70th birthday. Smokey bear is 70. Can you believe he's that old? Smoky says he puts out fires by waking up seven times a night and peeing on them!

   If I thought President Obma should serve two more terms in office, than I'd be on crack just like Obama is.

   Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's house? Neither has he.

   let's be honest half of us didn't even know who Steve Jobs was until he died...

   The Dallas Cowboys say they're not intimidated by Peyton Manning... They also said they are not really sure what "intimidated" means.

   going off the rails on a crazy train

   Roses are Red, Winters are Cold, Now get on your knees and Do what you're told!

   If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did

   was also once considered a "big f**king deal" by Vice President Joe Biden.

   Some girls are like a blunt... Hit it a couple times, then pass it to your buddy.

   Ok ladies, you've had your protest in Washington DC, enough, now get back to work, cleaning and cooking.

   Breaking news: George Zimmerman to throw out first pitch at tonights All star game

   Atheist don't hate unicorns or fairys or leprechauns because you can't hate something that isn't real. Atheist hate God because He is real.

   me:" cant come in to work today. I slipped in a snail trail and broke me ankle" boss:"on a nature hike?" me:"no walked in front of a theater playing 50 shades of gray"

   Morley Safer contributes exponentially more to societal advancement, and gets only a few mentions in the press. Prince, who basically was a fruitcake who could play a guitar solo, is still getting press.

   What you call vocabulary, others may call jargon, gibberish, lingo or slang...but its all the same to me.

   FACT: Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.