Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4552 of 6371
I Remember one christmas when I woke up to see my mom helping santa with his zipper.. jolly old santa.
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12-16-2011 16:35
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Advertising has taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
I feel like Eminem right now. Not because I'm rapping but because I have vomit on my sweater already...moms spaghetti
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02-15-2012 12:30
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I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned
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02-16-2012 01:58 by @ryaninco
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Went for a horse ride today...horse wouldn't stop, just kept going out of control...luckily the store clerk unplugged it before I fell off!
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02-21-2012 14:35
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I feel bad for those inner city kids that are too fat to dance their way out of the hood
lowercase letters: just like UPPERCASE letters, but without all the demand for attention
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03-05-2012 08:30 by Maureen
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Casey Anthony referred to her computer as "something I can call mine". OMG!! That means she's going to kill her computer next, not the dog.....
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01-05-2012 12:11 by sully
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Damn, I was way off. Turns out Alien vs Predator isn't about an illegal immigrant fighting a child molester.
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01-06-2012 15:49
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Rather than waste money going to strip clubs I can save it by just staying here on Facebook and watch some sluts' profile pics.
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01-15-2012 22:31
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two muffins are sitting in an oven, one turns to the other and says "damn sure is hot in here isn't it?" the other muffin turns and screams "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"
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04-25-2012 00:19
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Necrophilia: because there's nothing like cracking open a cold one.
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01-30-2012 17:55 by smiley
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Fries, Chips...whatever you wish to call them, we Americans at least have teeth to eat them with. ... Say what .... Have you been to walmart lately ?
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02-03-2012 11:30
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Who is Kim jong ......Wasnt that an 80s song?.......Everybody kim jong tonight........
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12-19-2011 05:39 by jfraze21
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I feel like everytime a Trump employee quits or gets fired, Oompa Loompas should appear and sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony and greed.
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07-22-2017 11:37
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thinks Facebook should add another option for Friends Requests... WHO ARE YOU?
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05-25-2011 18:55 by Bridget
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86. Sometimes I like to order pizza from Domino's and when the delivery boy rings the bell I open the door in a Pizza Hut outfit.
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05-27-2011 04:29 by BRian
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FYI to the Prophets adding dates....Japan Earthquake was on 3/10/11, they are a day ahead of us.
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03-16-2011 11:18 by Unknown
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4 out of 5 turtles are Ninjas
You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.