Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4537 of 6446

Watching the Biggest Loser Finale. Hate it when they jump up and down after the results. Holy chicken wings...yuck!
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12-14-2010 22:09
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The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
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02-03-2020 06:37 by Fazzy
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Don’t forget to thank a teacher... for their part in creating an entire generation of uneducated, privileged, clueless wannabe social media celebrities with zero work ethic.
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07-06-2020 12:34 by Fazzy
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Thoughts and prayers going out to everyone affected by Wind Noise Cancer.
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04-03-2019 21:33
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Trump has decided to withdraw from the Paris Agreement and the English language.
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06-01-2017 02:53
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If the Seahawks win the SuperBowl XLIX It'll be amazing how the world will not give a fcuk.
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01-19-2015 13:12
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One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."
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10-27-2013 20:24 by snotty
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"I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN

I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"
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11-17-2014 00:47 by Jitney
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gene pools are man made...nobody is worried about your threats. repent
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07-10-2015 02:12
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If you harvest ears of corn from a plant it's likely a corn plant, if you pick beans it's most likey from bean plant and if you harvest human organs it pretty much has to be from a human. There just isn't anywhere else to get them.
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07-16-2015 21:55
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I came, I saw, I got jiggy with it, I'm now discussing my options with a court appointed attorney.
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09-06-2015 08:47 by Czovczov
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Can we get back on Trump.....who cares about Bill Cosby! oh wait Trumps eating jello
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12-30-2015 15:56
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There was a time when the word "Gay" meant happy and the rainbow was a meteorological phenomenom, now both represents boy who likes another boy.........smh
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12-19-2013 13:09
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There's nothing worse than being suck in traffic and having to take a dump
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11-15-2012 18:45
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My wife said to me "Look, I need to talk to you about your fixation with sh it". "Pull up a stool," I replied.

Apple has a new device out for Chinese people. The 'iOpener'
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02-06-2013 10:42
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If you had to die, this would be the best way... Clint Eastwood shooting you while Morgan Freeman narrates it.

Wishing my American friends a safe and happy Independence Day, and a gentle reminder that they were almost Canadians had Canada decided to raze their Whitehouse instead of turning back to Canada for beer. :)
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07-03-2013 17:59
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My mom found out that I was smoking weed and she told me to "pack my bags" LOL it's called a bowl mom and it's already packed
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07-31-2013 13:48 by HiYourJon
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