Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Watching the Biggest Loser Finale. Hate it when they jump up and down after the results. Holy chicken wings...yuck!
←Rate | 12-14-2010 22:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
←Rate | 02-03-2020 06:37 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t forget to thank a teacher... for their part in creating an entire generation of uneducated, privileged, clueless wannabe social media celebrities with zero work ethic.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 12:34 by Fazzy Comments (1)  


   messageicon Thoughts and prayers going out to everyone affected by Wind Noise Cancer.
←Rate | 04-03-2019 21:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump has decided to withdraw from the Paris Agreement and the English language.
←Rate | 06-01-2017 02:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If the Seahawks win the SuperBowl XLIX It'll be amazing how the world will not give a fcuk.
←Rate | 01-19-2015 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."
←Rate | 10-27-2013 20:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"
←Rate | 11-17-2014 00:47 by Jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon gene pools are man made...nobody is worried about your threats. repent
←Rate | 07-10-2015 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you harvest ears of corn from a plant it's likely a corn plant, if you pick beans it's most likey from bean plant and if you harvest human organs it pretty much has to be from a human. There just isn't anywhere else to get them.
←Rate | 07-16-2015 21:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I came, I saw, I got jiggy with it, I'm now discussing my options with a court appointed attorney.
←Rate | 09-06-2015 08:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can we get back on Trump.....who cares about Bill Cosby! oh wait Trumps eating jello
←Rate | 12-30-2015 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a time when the word "Gay" meant happy and the rainbow was a meteorological phenomenom, now both represents boy who likes another boy.........smh
←Rate | 12-19-2013 13:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing worse than being suck in traffic and having to take a dump
←Rate | 11-15-2012 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said to me "Look, I need to talk to you about your fixation with sh it". "Pull up a stool," I replied.
←Rate | 01-17-2013 18:06 by @ballysboots Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apple has a new device out for Chinese people. The 'iOpener'
←Rate | 02-06-2013 10:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had to die, this would be the best way... Clint Eastwood shooting you while Morgan Freeman narrates it.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 19:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Wishing my American friends a safe and happy Independence Day, and a gentle reminder that they were almost Canadians had Canada decided to raze their Whitehouse instead of turning back to Canada for beer. :)
←Rate | 07-03-2013 17:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom found out that I was smoking weed and she told me to "pack my bags" LOL it's called a bowl mom and it's already packed
←Rate | 07-31-2013 13:48 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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