Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I heard India is going to outsource Electrical Grids from the US !

   Since when are chinese people tall and buff?? :O

   The noblest of dogs of all dogs is the hot dog , It feeds the hand that bites it !!

   You know you're getting old when you can't take a shower without peeing. Twice...

   thinking of joining the Mortal Kombat tournament. I am pretty deadly with Hulk hands on.

   When I say I love you, I do it with the same amount of sincerity with which a celebrity claims he loves all his fans. Zero.

   The way kids are these days it won't be long till MTV has a show called tween mom.

   I have something I want to put in your suggestion box.

   Never really had the time to lick girl's faces to know my taste in women.

   I'd trade my heart for a liver. Less love and more alcohol.

   im so drunk I'm seeing red headlights in my rearview mirror

   I feel like if I wake up in a new Bugatti , I'm probably getting arrested in the near future.

   Life is a race...too bad I'm fat.

   If you can't handle me at my worst....then I completely understand,because I can't either !

   Women are selfish. Why do you want me to make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world? Why not just make you one of the billion luckiest girls in the world?

   I'm extremely charming until you get to know me.

   I've started a new thing, post your password on my wall in case you forget it!! (Yeah, I got your back :-D)

   Patti Blagojevich just change her status to we got so screwed with out sentencing

   "I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots," haters, and insecurs...

   i have a bad moisture-induced glitter clump problem!