Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon BREAKING- the only way Trump is not your president is if you move to another country. See ya! Don't let the Wall hit you on the way out.
←Rate | 11-12-2016 08:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You can't spell slaughter without laughter!
←Rate | 08-04-2011 06:15 by Jackbrass Comments (0)  


   messageicon pondering on incoherent thoughts that pertain to this abstract dilemma
←Rate | 08-08-2008 00:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are talking to an invisible man in the sky, you are either A) on drugs Or B) at church
←Rate | 05-17-2013 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Presidents day is canceled until we get one.
←Rate | 02-03-2021 16:36 by Cyndi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you are vaccinated doesn’t mean you can now wear Axe Body Spray.
←Rate | 04-12-2021 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 14:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.
←Rate | 12-08-2021 18:09 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told his wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked him in the cellar
←Rate | 07-29-2009 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you ever feel upset and depressed, just remember, you were once the fastest, most victorious sperm in the bunch.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 20:34 by cmadden10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like Donald Trump had his wisdom teeth taken out, but the anesthesia never wore off.
←Rate | 04-14-2016 10:34 by lkl627 Comments (0)  


   messageicon from where I come from helmets are won by motorcyclists not football players
←Rate | 06-15-2014 02:15 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "If Jesus had a gun, he would be alive today" - Homer Simpson
←Rate | 12-21-2013 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Richard Dawson has died....WOW!! I'm SHOCKED!!! I thought he died YEARS AGO?!?!?!
←Rate | 06-03-2012 15:55 by pooh boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon everybody knows the real good friday is in two weeks 4/20
←Rate | 04-06-2012 19:56 by killphil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you park in the 'C' section of the hospital parking lot...do you have to climb out of the sunroof?
←Rate | 04-30-2013 08:19 by JEBI Comments (0)  


   messageicon jus saved alot on my car insurance by switching to reverse and fleeing the scene!
←Rate | 12-19-2012 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Curiosity just landed on Mars. I hope there will be a picture of the 3 titties lady..
←Rate | 08-06-2012 03:27 by Derfmeister Comments (0)  


   messageicon forget a silver spoon...this kid will get a golden spoon & become a spoiled brat like the rest of the royal family
←Rate | 07-23-2013 00:38 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon : If you can't tolerate me at my Worst, then you sure do not deserve me at my Best!!!
←Rate | 07-13-2011 22:19 Comments (0)  




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