Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tonight, because of the presidents speech, me and the family of 13 have now converted to democrats.

   Snow on da ground.... Snow on da ground... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground....look at ya now... car spinning 'round.... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground...

   coming to a theater near you!

   Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read.

   I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic and I won't take "No" for an answer.

   if you don't like the way you were born, then try being born again

   The Obamas are on vacation. Someone send a cop car by the White House to make sure Biden wasn't left home alone.

   men only get their great ideas in bed because their plugged into a genius!

   happier than a retard with a sparkler

   ̿ ̿̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\=(•̪●)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ Say Hello To My Lilttle Frien ..!!!!

   BREAKING- the only way Trump is not your president is if you move to another country. See ya! Don't let the Wall hit you on the way out.

   A guy at Target wearing a Dallas Cowboys hat and a MAGA t-shirt was buying a 65 inch TV so I said “Man, you’re really gonna be able to see the players kneeling on that thing.”

   You can't spell slaughter without laughter!

   pondering on incoherent thoughts that pertain to this abstract dilemma

   When you are talking to an invisible man in the sky, you are either A) on drugs Or B) at church

   Presidents day is canceled until we get one.

   Just because you are vaccinated doesn’t mean you can now wear Axe Body Spray.

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.

   I told his wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked him in the cellar