Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I remember when the most important thing to pack for a trip was my toys. Then it was books, then 8-tracks, then a briefcase, then a computer. Now it's my medicine....but I still pack some toys!
←Rate | 04-05-2012 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No is the saddest experience you'll ever know..
←Rate | 04-06-2012 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet most of you are the kind of a$$holze that would bet one dollar more than me on The Price is Right.
←Rate | 04-07-2012 18:39 by FADOLO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope everyone had a very Happy Easter! PS: Those weren't black jelly beans the Easter Bunny left for you...
←Rate | 04-08-2012 21:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when they put the tacos in my bag upside down :-(
←Rate | 04-11-2012 12:35 by Christian Comments (0)  


   messageicon That uneasy moment when you look in the mirror while crying and you just start crying more.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 14:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You need a best friend you can have sex with.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 14:16 by Nobody Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of a tatoo, just get a KISS t-shirt and wear it every day until you die.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Halloween I'm going as a Jehovah's Witness. I'm going to be handing out some good news.
←Rate | 09-29-2015 20:39 by Scot Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I'm sad, I remember that my cats most likely think I’m out hunting for them all day, and then I feel like a badass again
←Rate | 10-12-2015 14:34 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon *watching news report of zombie apocalypse* Me: This is great. No work today!
←Rate | 10-27-2015 18:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why doesn't money have braille on it?
←Rate | 10-28-2015 16:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You changed your profile picture and I changed my mind.
←Rate | 11-07-2015 01:58 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what if I am a high ranking illuminatii and dont even know it
←Rate | 11-10-2015 23:40 by Danny T Comments (0)  


   messageicon After spending years trying to find a good therapist, I can now recommend a great one. His name is Captain Morgan.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon no really what are reindeer games ?
←Rate | 11-26-2015 20:46 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't figure out if my Granddad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense!.. "The green one Gampy,, not the Red one!"
←Rate | 11-27-2015 11:13 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If old french fries were weapons,,, I would be able to kill anyone trying to carjack me
←Rate | 12-17-2015 19:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nobody plans on being the weird kid. It just happens.
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:46 Comments (0)  




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