Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4489 of 6446

I remember when the most important thing to pack for a trip was my toys. Then it was books, then 8-tracks, then a briefcase, then a computer. Now it's my medicine....but I still pack some toys!
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04-05-2012 11:23
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No is the saddest experience you'll ever know..
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04-06-2012 18:36
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I bet most of you are the kind of a$$holze that would bet one dollar more than me on The Price is Right.
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04-07-2012 18:39 by FADOLO
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Hope everyone had a very Happy Easter! PS: Those weren't black jelly beans the Easter Bunny left for you...

I hate it when they put the tacos in my bag upside down :-(
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04-11-2012 12:35 by Christian
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That uneasy moment when you look in the mirror while crying and you just start crying more.
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04-15-2012 14:06
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You need a best friend you can have sex with.
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04-16-2012 14:16 by Nobody
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Instead of a tatoo, just get a KISS t-shirt and wear it every day until you die.
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06-17-2015 15:33
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This Halloween I'm going as a Jehovah's Witness. I'm going to be handing out some good news.
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09-29-2015 20:39 by Scot
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Whenever I'm sad, I remember that my cats most likely think I’m out hunting for them all day, and then I feel like a badass again
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10-12-2015 14:34 by Czovczov
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*watching news report of zombie apocalypse* Me: This is great. No work today!
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10-27-2015 18:09
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Why doesn't money have braille on it?
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10-28-2015 16:10
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You changed your profile picture and I changed my mind.

what if I am a high ranking illuminatii and dont even know it
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11-10-2015 23:40 by Danny T
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After spending years trying to find a good therapist, I can now recommend a great one. His name is Captain Morgan.
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11-18-2015 12:20
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As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
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11-24-2015 15:36
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no really what are reindeer games ?

Can't figure out if my Granddad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense!.. "The green one Gampy,, not the Red one!"
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11-27-2015 11:13 by snotty
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If old french fries were weapons,,, I would be able to kill anyone trying to carjack me
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12-17-2015 19:45 by snotty
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Nobody plans on being the weird kid. It just happens.
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12-27-2015 06:46
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