Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Booze in the answer... dont remember the question

   Get away from me! What am i? Flypaper for freaks?

   My cosmetic surgery might have gone wrong but I'm smiling on the inside.

   To all the people that send those annoying Christmas chain text messages I HOPE YOU GET COAL THIS YEAR UNDER YOUR TREE!!!

   Derek Rowe Lease just signed... Movin away from the old meth and crack heads next to some nice occasional cocaine users..

   so, Snooki didn't want to write a book about herself, so she rights a novel about the crazy fun at the Jersey Shore...and even has a character named Snooki in the book. Brilliant idea lady!

   like the iPhone: you no longer have exclusive rights to me!

   I miss the days when their mother's loving kiss could solve all of my children's problems:o(

   an agent of chaos.

   Earth first! (We'll strip-mine the other planets later)

   They send you off to college to try to gain a little knowledge, but all you wanna do is learn how to score

   Taser? If that guy had been a Rangers fan the Texas cops would have shot him dead.

   Has anyone else seen the Pop Tarts commercials where mom makes her kids Pop Tart ice cream sandwiches and garnishes a sundae with Pop Tarts? What can you do to make Pop Tarts even worse for you AND encourage childhood obesity? Add ice cream of course!

   I can't get enough minimalism

   Ladies when it comes to Men if you dont do anything that affects their 5 senses then they'l never feel what you are trying to express......

   BP's latest strategy to stop leak, Operation Fingers Crossed, doesn't instill much confidence.

   People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because I know it!

   Why has "Just between you and I," never really just between you and I?

   If it doesn't kill you, kill it before it tries again!

   U.S met office issues a stark warning that Hurricane Sandy has been upgraded to a British Summer